Jace Buntley walked slowly back to his hotel room. That incident at the murder scene, and then later with Rosie, had done it. He decided that, however this murder mystery ended up, he was going to make amends. The time had come. Life was just too short, too unpredictable.
He was a murder dectective, and yet hardly ever thought about death. His own, at least.
But now, he did think about it. One day, he would die. What would happen to him then?
He had been Catholic, once... and that was enough to tell him the answer.
As he ascended the staircase to his 3rd floor room, he also reflected on his past life, and how awful it had been. He would find a priest, make reconciliation, and live his life anew. He was going to become a new man. And he wanted it to be with Rosie...
*******
Jace's Guardian Angel: Sir, sir, we have a situation below!
St. Peter: For my sake, what is it, Angel #36,576,001?
JGA: Jace Buntley's repented! He's experienced perfect contrition! I don't know how long this situation will last, but we have to act NOW!!!
St. Pete: What? Jace BUNTLEY? That crappy APOSTATE? Why, I can't count the number of times he took my name in vain, much less the Big Man! Are you sure it's PERFECT?
JGA: Pure as the driven snow, sir! I'd bet my wings on it! We've got to do something!
St. Pete: Angel #36,576,001, you're right! Activate Code Golden Harp 4!
JGA: Code GH4? Now we're TALKING! I'll get an Angel of Death on it right away!
******
As Jace approached his hotel room door, his senses picked up. He could tell something was amiss, but he wasn't quite sure. He paused in the hallway, uncertain.
*******
JGA: Oh, come ON, dude! Just open the door! Listen, this is your Guardian Angel talking! You know, I'm on your shoulder, whispering in your ear, listen to me, something like that? OPEN THE DOOR!
Open the door...
open the door....
open the door...
*******
Jace suddenly felt a feeling of peace and serenity, and smiled as he once more began walking towards his hotel room door. As his hand grasped the doorknob, he wondered at how warm and inviting it felt. He turned and pushed.... and.... the darkness of his room greeted him.
Hmmmm, what was that funny smell? Once again, his senses warned him...
******
JGA: Go to sleeeep, go to sleeeep, go to sleeee-eeeep dear Jacie! Light the match, light the match....
******
Jace smiled, paused, listened to a cute little birdie singing to the morning dawn out the window, smiled again, and struck a match.
KABLOOOIEEE!!!!!!
***********
Rosie cried when she heard the news.
Dr. Welch frowned and muttered.
Kevson and Niles scratched their heads and shrugged.
Davis Nolder got drunk.
Jace's Guardian angel gave Nolder's Guardian angel a high-five, and reminded him that miracles really do happen.
*******
So Scotland Yard, without the help of Jace Buntley, finally found the murderer, although perhaps not quite as quickly. The murderer's identity wasn't really that important. Several more young, beautiful, foriegn, Catholic girls got murdered, which to the world's eyes was very tragic, but in the eyes of their guardian angels was quite miraculous. They were mostly brazen hussies, Catholic in name only, and their baptism of quite a lot of blood was enough to purge their multifarious sins. They made it into purgatory.
Rosie decided to quit the detective work and became a professed single. She was too weird to join a convent.
Kevson and Niles lived okay lives, and seconds before their deaths realized the error of being Anglican. They made it to heaven, but spent a ton of time in purgatory for being careless about the Faith.
Davis Nolder, poor sap, drank himself dead and only made purgatory because of the prayers of his wife Lanney, and his dear mother. Long story.
Little Charity went to the glue factory after Nolder died. She was a horse, so she went straight to creature heaven. There is such a thing!
And finally, having experienced perfect contrition, Jace avoided hell. Due to the prayers of Rosie Tracer, and the good work he actually did perform in helping to solve brutal murders, he didn't spend too much time in purgatory. But he sure felt it when he was there.
13 comments:
I realize that this was not what most of you were expecting.
Teehee, that's kind of why I wrote it!
I also realize that this post exists in that funny little gray area between hey-that's-pretty-funny and hey-that's-pretty-funny-stay-away-from-me-you-lightning-rod.
The real post is coming soon. I promise.
Kind of ironic that this post occurs right after Tracy hits Kevin with a lightning bolt.
Scary.
C'mon. That was funny.
::laughs:: That was pretty funny but, I must say, Dan. You confuse me sometimes.
Hi Christa!!!
ha ha. ha ha. oh, ha ha ha.
Very funny, Daniel.
You're lucky I saw you tonight and you told me I was going to find this on here, *and* that you were still going to write the *real* one--otherwise I would have been quit put out. ::gasps:: I'm starting to quote 'Princess Bride'!! Ah! What am I thinking? That's Justin's job!
Okay, so, everyone--Dan's real post is coming soon.
And Kevson is going to be murdered. By Rosie. Who uses her psychic powers to tell Kevson to stand in the exact spot where a lightening bolt is about to hit.
::rolls eyes:: Dan--so do not do that. It would be better to make Kevin fall in love, and thus enter into all of this nerduler nerdence.
Kevin. That's just it. I'm ignoring you now.
Oh my gosh, I totally could, Christa! Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
...I love that series.
I want to peon you.
::knows exactly who "anonymous" is::
You are so weird.
You know--I was trying to find the moral of this story...and I really think...it just might be...I dunno...tell me what y'all think...but it *seems* to be:
If you're truly sorry for your sins...you're gonna die!!
Sheesh, Restless.
My favourite parts were:
“KABLOOOIEEE!!!!!!”
and
“She was a horse, so she went straight to creature heaven. There is such a thing!”
But the worst part of the story was:
“Jace avoided hell.”
Mason!!! *Where* have you been?? You've been so quiet lately!
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