Thursday, December 15, 2005

The London Murders: Nolder Uncovers the Evidence

After Nolder dropped Jace off at the LondonTowne Inn, he stopped outside for a smoke and a quick drink.
"Nothin' wrong with a quick spot o' whiskey now, is there?" Davis Nolder thought to himself.
As he stood there in the alley, next to his trusty mare Little Charity, his mind went back all those years to his beloved wife, Lanney.
She had been the most beautiful of Scottish lasses, she had. Eyes of pure blue, and hair as golden as the sunset. It was rare indeed, to find a pure Scot with blue eyes and blonde hair, and he couldn't deny that was part of the reason he loved her so much.
"Fell in love at first sight, I sure did" Davis muttered to himself in the darkness. "There'll never be another like her. Dammit all, I can't belive I lost her...."

Suddenly, Little Charity whinneyed at the sudden arrival of a Police Officer.
"Right-O, there! Who be you, my good man?" The officer asked of Nolder.
"Bloody Mary, it's me, Davis Nolder! What are you doin' here, Rabbie?"
"Davis! You no-good sot! Where's the Yank?"
"Yank?! You mean Mr. Buntley, you do! Don't ye be calling him no Yank, you bloody Limey! He's the best in all America, and I'll blacken your eye you don't give him the proper respect!"
Well now, Davis! I can see you've been hittn' the bottle. " Officer Robert Vernon was quite accustomed to Davis' outbursts.
"Listen Davis, I need you to get the Yank right away, and bring him to the Station! There's been another murder!"
"Another Murder?!!" Davis was aghast. "I thought it was just a scare! You know, a bloody rumor!"
"That's what we thought at first! You know ever since that bloody Ripperger got famous, EVERY murder has been reported as his doing! We thought this one was too, at first, until..." Robert suddenly stopped short.
"Until what, man? Come on, out with it! Don't keep a fellow officer waitin'!"
Robert drew back.
"Now listen, Davis! You ain't no officer! You know you got stripped of your badge a year ago after..." He stopped, the situation suddenly awkward. Davis slouched his shoulders.
Davis apologized. "I'm sorry mate, I didn't mean..."
"No no, you're right, Rabbie. I'm wrong. I ain't no... OFFICER... anymore."
"Well listen, mate." Robert skipped over it. "It was right GRISLY, it was! When they found 'em, there wasn't a single limb left attached to the body, not a single one! Arms, legs...." He gulped "even the 'ead, mate! They was all off!"
"Bloody 'ell, Rabbie! who would do such a thing?!"
"That's just it!! We knew it 'ad to be him, mate! We knew! Ain't no one in the 'ole damm country that kills like that. It's that bloody B*^@#*, Jack the Ripperger!"
Robert punched his fist into his hand.
"Well 'ell mate, who were they? Girls, Catholic, like the last?" Davis drew closer.
Robert put his head in his hands. "They were." Davis gasped. Robert continued.
"Their names were Marcille and Kelsie, runners from France! They were on an exchange program. Apparantly, running in France made them hot- TOO hot! They thought that coming to a cooler climate might help 'em out. They sweated profusely in France!"
"By the Knights who say Ni!" said Davis.
"Big the Knights indeed!" said Robbie "And now, they'll never return. Never to return to France, never to laugh "Tee hee, tee hee" again! Poor girls!"
Davis took a long pull from his bottle. Robbie, wiping his eyes, took one as well. Little Charity neighed, sullen at being left out of the conversation. Davis placated her with a few swigs. Charity hiccuped, and then whinneyed.
"Well mate, go ahead and wake up the Yank... er, Mr... Buntely."
"Aye mate, aye!" Said Davis. "I'll wake him up straight away! To the Station, you say?"
"Right-O, mate! Dr. Welch and the Chiefs will be waitin'!"
And with those words, Officer Robert Vernon vanished into the night.

Davis Nolder went upstairs.

24 comments:

Restless Native said...

See what happens with a few swigs o' the bottle?

Them creative juicers start flowin', they do. By Monty Python, I ought to write me a bloody novel, I ought.

Tee hee!

sqtoyu

Tracy said...

::laughs:: I like this 'Rabbie' fellow! He has great potential.

Poor Davis. Poorer Lanney! But poor Davis just the same.

Eeeew! Marcy! Are you *sure* you want to be going to midnight Mass after reading this post?

Unknown said...

This make the last post even better! DAN! I can't believe you threw in Monty Python stuff. It was funny, but.... No it was just plain hysterical. However, I don't believe that you will find it QUITE so funny tomorrow.

Tracy said...

My cousin April's husband, Ginny.

Robby.

: )

Anonymous said...

I'M intrigued!!

Tracy said...

The Mom? *Whose* mom? My mom or Dan's mom?

Tracy said...

Mace, the next post is up to me.

Can't say when it will be ready, though. You'll just have to wait.

;)

Tracy said...

::laughs:: 'fraid you must, cousin. I can't help it. Trust me. It's just going to be a while.

But you can gripe at Dan for that. *He's* the reason it's going to take so long.

;)

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh! That is SICK!
Yeah, I'm kinda scared to go to Midnight Mass, now. ;)
::laughs:: I think it's funny that we were runners.
Okay...the tee hee part was pretty funny too.
I guess people really do laugh like that, But I really haven't ever heard any of the girls I know laugh like that.
Anyway, You did a great job. I love it.
Hurry, Tracy!

Restless Native said...

I think the period fits your sentence quite nicely, Little Charity. You pose the question knowing full well the answer. It's purely rhetorical. And I must say, my satisfaction is now COMPLETE!

You so rudely scoffed at me during our earlier conversation, saying that you "didn't want to be in my stupid story" and that I could write whathever I wanted because you just didn't care! HA! HAHA! HAHAHAHA!

Let this be a lesson to other would be scoffers. DEATH is preferred before humiliation!

Tracy said...

Mason, don't try to rush genius! That's when you get Swiss cheese. If you're patient, you get American...

But I don't really like American cheese, so let's just say cheddar....

Um, the next chapter will be posted...uh...soon. Yeah. Soon.

Anonymous said...

I think I'll do my running at the Y, from now on. ;)

Anonymous said...

With my Brother.

Disciple said...

Okay, this is tooooo much.
I’m fetching some blood pressure tablets.
Not only do we have a brainless American detective but we now have a drunk, sacked Englishman grovelling to him.
Too American.

Tracy, I place my hope in you!

Osama bin Laden said...

I’ve got an idea.
Why doesn’t America invade all the countries from which the victims come from?
Just in case they have weapons of mass destruction.
Can anyone see the link between the victims’ countries and weapons of mass destruction?

Restless Native said...

I think Saddam's got a point. We should start by invading all the pubs, then the restaurants. Finally, we will occupy all brewerys and vinyards. Europe will be putty in our hands.

Restless Native said...

I think Saddam's got a point. We should start by invading all the pubs, then the restaurants. Finally, we will occupy all brewerys and vinyards. Europe will be putty in our hands.

Restless Native said...

Hey all, I just wanted to post because my code word looks like the name to a small German brewing town!

Ghabzerg.

Pretty cool, huh? I think I'm just going to start saying it, over and over agian.

Ghabzerg. GHABZERG. ghabZERG. GHABzerg. gHAbZErg. ghabzergggie.

Little Lizzie said...

Dan.. You are so weird!

::giggles::

Anonymous said...

This is getting kinda boring.
Someone needs to finish this story.

Restless Native said...

Patience is a virtue!

Another good one!

Wezcvh!

Anonymous said...

I'm so gald y'all aren't my brothers.

Restless Native said...

HarrumpH! Well then I'm glad you're not MY brother!

Anonymous said...

Me too.