A Story About Repelling...Isn't It?

Disclaimer: I have never actually been repelling. That is something else I have wanted to do for two and half years, along with the rock climbing. So, please infer from that that which is implied...This story is not supposed to be about myself. It's just what comes out when you've been up until three o'clock in the morning, only had a few hours of sleep, and then had a drink from Starbucks instead of taking the nap you promised yourself.

~

"Just come on," he said. I looked down at him. He looked so far away.
"I'm going to fall," I informed him.
"You won't," he assured me. I raised my eyebrows and gave him a look. He read me. "Then I'll catch you."
He'd catch me.
I was 40 feet above the guy's head, and he was saying he would catch me if I fell.
"You are such a guy," I said under my breath. I looked around.

I was standing at the top of a 40 foot cliff, repelling equipment attached in all the proper places, and I was about to fall to my death.
And I had *him* standing at the bottom telling me it wasn't a big deal. "I've done it hundreds of times," he'd said to me beforehand. He'd even gone first to show me how it was done.

Yes, well, good for him, but I have trust issues, and I told him so.
"What, you don't trust me?" he'd said.
"No," I told him. "I really just don't trust ME." He'd just laughed in reply.
But seriously! Who really wants to let themselves down a cliff of jagged rocks, only to be met at the bottom by a million smaller rocks, while using their own abilities to control the speed at which they descend and when they stop?
Not. Me. At least not just then. I had wanted to--about two hours before I was standing at the top of a scary cliff.

"Can we try a shorter cliff?" I called down to him.
"What?! No!"
"Please? Maybe...like...ten feet?"
I saw him take a deep breath. At first I thought I had irritated him. I tensed up, ready to do...anything but go down that cliff. But then I realized he was laughing. I was so confused.
"Are you laughing???"
"No!" He called up, laughing as his said it. Half of the tension left my body, but the other half stayed, mostly in my neck. It was not helping my resolve.

"Just...just close your eyes!"
"What? Why?"
"Just do it!"
Okay, cowboy, settle down. I closed my eyes.
"Now take a deep breath."
Done.
A few seconds went by.
And a few more.
I opened one eye and looked down at him. He was laughing. I let my breath out in a huff and glared at him. He continued to laugh.
"Very funny!"
He made an obvious effort to quit laughing. "Look," he said. "You wanted to do this. You came all of this way. You're standing at the top of the cliff. You're ready to do it. Say a prayer, trust yourself, trust God, trust your guardian angel, and for heaven's sake, trust me! I've got the ropes down here! Between the four of us, we'll get you down safely."

I said a prayer and took a deep breath, this time letting it out in a timely fashion, and then began the decent. My heart seemed to be at the base of my throat, and my breathing seemed to match the beating of it. Although he talked to me the whole way down, "It'll be worth it," was the last thing I remember him saying as I went over the edge. In the in-between time, it was only me and the wind and thoughts of God...hoping I was ready to meet Him should I fail myself.

Suddenly I was in an upright position once again, and I was looking up at the cliff.

It had been worth it.

All I could do was stare at the massive piece of rock. I had beaten it. Laughing and clapping and teasing filled the air, and I was suddenly made aware of the five or six others who had come repelling with us. They had all ceased to exist once I reached the top of the cliff. I turned and smiled at them. "Oh," I feigned surprise. "Y'all still here?" It had taken a good half hour for me to go over the edge.
"Are you crazy?!" One of them yelled back. "We wouldn't have missed that for anything!"

Then he came up and put his arm around me. "So..." I knew he was trying to hide a smile, even though I wasn't looking at him. I could hear it in his voice. "Do you want to go home now?"
"Well, um, actually..." I bit my lip and smiled. "Can I do it again?"

Everyone laughed. They knew the feeling.

I began to climb to the top again, this time accompanied by him and a couple of others. Up at the top once again, I looked down and and took a deep breath. This one was different from the others.

Deep breaths are always different when one feels safe.

~